I reflect back on the changes that have transpired and the time that has seemed to have flown by. I am already about to turn a new chapter and I cannot believe the direction in which my life is headed towards. I think about the day several months ago as I sat intoxicated and I made a vow to change. I would say that day is the day I committed myself to get things under control and take back my life as my life had turned upside down. I did not like the man facing back in the mirror and I was determined to change that. I will also add I have not been as committed to anything as this in my adult life. It has taken everything to stand tall and move forward against everything around me and change the man that I am starting to become. I have learned change is difficult and is something I have struggled with for quite some time. I have always wanted it, but I was afraid to grasp it. I would say I have embraced it at this point and I am content with the person I am becoming. I remember those times how hard it was to keep going and how close I was to giving up. I think to myself how I had the courage to keep moving and I don’t know the answer still. These have been some of the most trying moments of my life but I wouldn’t trade them for the world. I found out who I was during these times and I have learned a lot about life during my hardest times as a man. It was during my lowest point in life that I decided what I wanted to do in life and even though the people around me laughed I am now on my way to making my dreams a reality. I can’t say that I wasn’t tiresome and the sight of disperse could be seen upon my face but the day I decided to change things is one of the best decisions I have made in my life. I can say things are starting to come together for me and change is taking place not only in my heart but also in my life.
I am letting go of the past and what I have done and most importantly I am forgiving myself for the things I have done and have participated in as it seems I hold myself accountable for more then I should. I have paid my dues and I feel as if I am forgiven now and most importantly I forgive me as well. I can’t change the past and I know this. I am finally letting go and leaving this place in the days to come will change a new chapter. With this I will be leaving my sorrows behind as to not hinder me with what is in front of me. For quite some time now I have taken out a lot of abuse on myself and I know this sounds crazy but I have put myself through this self-destructive path. This is the time I let go and not be so hard on myself as no matter how much I take it out on myself, no matter how much self-hatred I inflict upon my life, it will not change the past and I accept this. This has been hard to accept but I finally love me and I accept me for me and the things that have happened are in the past. Change isn’t easy like I said but it has been a working progress.
So I find myself at a crossroad in my life and I look back at the man I used to be. I can’t believe things get that bad but life didn’t come with a how to guide and I didn’t have the best odd’s at that. It’s not about where you come from as my little sister can be a prime example as she just graduated from college with a bachelor in chemistry. I remember her looking up to me for “going to war” but little does she know war is easy, you just do your job and everything else is provided. I am the one that has the admiration as she put herself through college working a full time job and taking out student loans. I guess life is what you make it you just have to ask yourself how bad you want it. Do you want it bad enough that you are willing to hurt for it? Are you willing to sacrifice anything you have for the moment to obtain everything you ever wanted for the future? It has taken me twenty seven years to figure this mentality out. For the first time in my life I wanted something out of life so badly I was willing to hurt for it. I was willing to do whatever is necessary to become successful in obtaining that want. I wanted a change, to get better, and to prove to everyone I am a better man then what I was portraying at the time. I think I have accomplished that at this point and I am perfectly content with the change that has transpired inside. I’ll never forget that day when I sat by myself and for the first time in my life I wrote out goals for my life and I wanted something so badly it hurt. I sat there and realized I am going to change and I didn’t care what people thought, said, or did towards me. I was going to go out and make it happen because I wanted it so badly it hurt inside. I was committed to something for the first time in my life that day and have been since that nothing was going to stop me from obtaining my goals. I had the mindset that nothing was going to stop me.
Turning a new chapter will bring new challenges and new obstacles. Ill embraces these things openly knowing that this road is a lonely road and not too many dare to venture the path I lead. Learning to become a leader is new to me and I have to learn day by day. I know what I want to accomplish in this lifetime isn’t going to be easy as nothing that is worthy comes easy they say. I want this more than ever. Not for me but for others as this holds a special meaning in its self. I grew up helping others and my most cherished moments growing up revolved around helping the community in one way or another. I cannot believe how fast things have rapidly moved forward in my life and looking back I couldn’t picture myself were I am at now. It’s crazy how life is sometimes and I thank God every day for the changes I have made inside, the family I have and the life I am living.
I am letting go of the past and what I have done and most importantly I am forgiving myself for the things I have done and have participated in as it seems I hold myself accountable for more then I should. I have paid my dues and I feel as if I am forgiven now and most importantly I forgive me as well. I can’t change the past and I know this. I am finally letting go and leaving this place in the days to come will change a new chapter. With this I will be leaving my sorrows behind as to not hinder me with what is in front of me. For quite some time now I have taken out a lot of abuse on myself and I know this sounds crazy but I have put myself through this self-destructive path. This is the time I let go and not be so hard on myself as no matter how much I take it out on myself, no matter how much self-hatred I inflict upon my life, it will not change the past and I accept this. This has been hard to accept but I finally love me and I accept me for me and the things that have happened are in the past. Change isn’t easy like I said but it has been a working progress.
So I find myself at a crossroad in my life and I look back at the man I used to be. I can’t believe things get that bad but life didn’t come with a how to guide and I didn’t have the best odd’s at that. It’s not about where you come from as my little sister can be a prime example as she just graduated from college with a bachelor in chemistry. I remember her looking up to me for “going to war” but little does she know war is easy, you just do your job and everything else is provided. I am the one that has the admiration as she put herself through college working a full time job and taking out student loans. I guess life is what you make it you just have to ask yourself how bad you want it. Do you want it bad enough that you are willing to hurt for it? Are you willing to sacrifice anything you have for the moment to obtain everything you ever wanted for the future? It has taken me twenty seven years to figure this mentality out. For the first time in my life I wanted something out of life so badly I was willing to hurt for it. I was willing to do whatever is necessary to become successful in obtaining that want. I wanted a change, to get better, and to prove to everyone I am a better man then what I was portraying at the time. I think I have accomplished that at this point and I am perfectly content with the change that has transpired inside. I’ll never forget that day when I sat by myself and for the first time in my life I wrote out goals for my life and I wanted something so badly it hurt. I sat there and realized I am going to change and I didn’t care what people thought, said, or did towards me. I was going to go out and make it happen because I wanted it so badly it hurt inside. I was committed to something for the first time in my life that day and have been since that nothing was going to stop me from obtaining my goals. I had the mindset that nothing was going to stop me.
Turning a new chapter will bring new challenges and new obstacles. Ill embraces these things openly knowing that this road is a lonely road and not too many dare to venture the path I lead. Learning to become a leader is new to me and I have to learn day by day. I know what I want to accomplish in this lifetime isn’t going to be easy as nothing that is worthy comes easy they say. I want this more than ever. Not for me but for others as this holds a special meaning in its self. I grew up helping others and my most cherished moments growing up revolved around helping the community in one way or another. I cannot believe how fast things have rapidly moved forward in my life and looking back I couldn’t picture myself were I am at now. It’s crazy how life is sometimes and I thank God every day for the changes I have made inside, the family I have and the life I am living.