Things are getting better and time is passing. I’ve picked myself up from the rut I have found myself in and have gotten back to what I know best. Honestly being here at this place and time has been the best thing for me. I have been able to get my mind back as I feel as it was taken hostage for quite some time. It’s takes a lot of strength to stand tall and do what I have done, even if it means standing alone at times. I guess that’s what being a leader all is about. Following the crowd is something I was never raised to do and I can Cleary remember my mother telling me to never follow the crowd when I was a young child. I am moving forward quickly at this point in my life and I can’t believe how drastically my life has changed in just one year. I think about the pain I’ve been through and the endeavors that motivate me to push harder with the things I want to accomplish in this life. One thing that has been hard for me is the hatred or maybe the vindictive mentality I can’t seem to shake. It’s not a good quality and I know this but when you have been through what I have it’s hard to not have these emotions towards certain people places and things. Maybe one day I can forgive and let go but one thing is soldier is I will never forget. I’ll never forget the betrayal and I’ll never forget the ones that left me when I needed them the most. I sit by myself and I wonder why things happened the way they did at times and honestly I still become dumbfounded to the reasons but I am grateful for it as it leads me to where I am at now. Sometimes it seems God puts you through hell to teach you things and molds you into the person he wants you to be. It’s almost a catch twenty two as well as I learned my best lessons in life during my hardest part in life. I still have a lot of resiment though and I guess that’s okay but I have learned you can’t expect too much from people especially when times get tough. When things get deep loyalties will be tested and friendships will be stretched to the point of destruction. I hate it though I wish I could turn back the pages and make things the way they used to be. Things were simple then before all the bullshit and before everyone gotten themselves into the madness of life. Sadly that is not the case but it’s nice to think about from time to time, I can only look at the future and what the future holds for me now. Present day there is no mayhem in my life is actually quite boring. I had someone come into my life as well that I didn’t expect. That person seems to understand me and that’s a great feeling that you don’t have to be someone you’re not just to gain their approval. I’m happy with the way my life has turned and looking back I wish I could change a thing or two but that’s the way the game goes sometimes. Being a soldier comes with heartache and pain but that’s just a small infraction of the bigger picture. Soldiers move forward and fight at all costs there is no time to think about the battles we have lost only time to prepare for the battles we are going into. Life is crazy and it seems like it’s getting shorter the older I get. I know one day this pain will be justified but for right now it’s still fresh on my mind like a wound that’s hard to heal. I use it as my motivation to drive harder into the darkness when the days seem grim and I don’t have the intestinal fortitude to drive on. I use it as reminder to remember where I came from and where I refuse to return. I strive to better myself every day in one way or another and it’s a good feeling inside to here feedback from others that know me best. This journey has been a crazy one and I know in my heart the real journey is has only begun.